Monkey Hat

#reverb12 Day 2: Your most significant spend?

I looked and looked and looked at a lot of baby things before I bought anything.  I felt like if I bought something, I might jinx myself.  I worried about the heartache I would have if something went wrong with my pregnancy, and how I would have all of these things I could no longer use.  The baby was someone that I wanted so badly that it terrified me.

The first thing I bought for the baby was a little monkey hat.  I felt a little guilty, like maybe I wasn’t supposed to be shopping for him already.  But the hat was so cute, and I bought it.  I kept the hat hanging next to my bed; it was the first thing I looked at in the morning, and the last thing I looked at before turning out the light.  I would look at that hat, and stroke my pregnancy bump, and whisper quietly to the baby about how much I loved him already.  It was the first thing I did for the baby, other than the things I was doing for my own physical health, and it was the only thing I did for months.

It is so satisfying to see him wear that hat now, and think about the days when it hung empty, waiting for him.