Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Tired, but OK



#reverb12 Day 1: How are you starting?


How do I feel? Exhausted.  I am tired in body, mind and spirit. 

2012 has been a year that has tested me in ways that I couldn’t imagine.  I lived through two major life events this year: pregnancy and the birth of my first child, and the death of my mother.  It has been a year of extreme joy and extreme sorrow, thoughts on life and death, and ruminations on the meaning and experience of motherhood and childhood.  I watched my body transform throughout pregnancy, and I am in new awe of what it can do, even as I despair each morning trying to find clothes that fit.  I don’t know who I am without my mother, and I don’t know who I am as a mother.  I am sleep deprived and can’t even think about it clearly.  I haven’t read a book or worked out properly in months.  I am more of a mess than I have ever been.

Despite all of this, I have also learned how strong I am.  I am ok.  I am even happy.  I am moving forward in life, and dreaming about things that I have been afraid to dream about for a long time.  I feel free.  I feel empowered.  I feel transformed. 

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